Henri Nouwen, renowned counselor and priest, told a story about a man named Adam. Adam was a patient at L’Arche community, a home for mentally handicapped people in France. Nouwen left Harvard University to care for Adam because he felt God had called him to something new and greater than a career in academia. He was right. Adam was a 24 year old man without the ability to walk, talk, dress, or undress himself. He suffered from frequent epileptic seizures and required daily care and supervision. For 10 years until Adam’s death, Nouwen provided this daily care which consisted of bathing, dressing, feeding, and taking Adam to the bathroom. Initially, this was difficult because Adam needed a lot of help. He was completely dependent on the compassion and generosity of others. However, Adam led Nouwen to a remarkable discovery. Adam could not speak or write. He couldn’t work or play. Sadly, he couldn’t even contribute to the physical or emotional well-being of others. But, Adam had a lot of heart. His child like trust and complete vulnerability spoke to Nouwen about the importance of being.

You see, we have a tendency to define ourselves by what we do. Go to any social occasion, and you will eventually hear that common inquiry, “So, what do you do (for a living)?” If you have a thriving career or business, you are proud to talk about yourself. However, if you are not where you want to be, or if you’re on the way, or even procrastinating, you can’t help but dread this question. What’s surprising about this question is its implied meaning. You are what you do. If this were the absolute definition of personhood, what could we say about babies and the severely physically and or mentally handicapped? Would they be considered whole persons?

Personhood is about being first. We are “Human-beings” not “human-doings.” Nouwen learned from Adam that being is ultimately more important than doing and the heart is more important than the mind. This does not mean that hard work and education are irrelevant. They are absolutely necessary to personal development and the progress of civilization itself. However, somewhere along the path of life people began to equate profession with personhood. This is a tragic mistake! You see, it is a loss of personhood or being that is a major contributor to suicide. When people define self worth by appearance, possessions, or professions, what is left when all are lost or never even realized? Our bumper stickers, commercials, and music speak to us about the absence of being in our very public definitions of personhood. For example, “The one with the most toys wins, don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, a material girl, fashion emergency, diamonds are a girl’s best friend etc.” Also, there is an old country song which says, “Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys. Let them be doctors and lawyers and such.” Again, in these statements, personhood is defined by what one does or owns but not by being.

So, how do we get back to restore our sense of being? Being is found in community. Our first community is our family. We learn to love from our parents and our siblings. Unfortunately, it is becoming much too common not to receive unconditional love in a family setting. But, there is still hope. We are born into this world as children in loving communion with God. We came from God and will return to God. That’s why the Bible says, “In Him we live and move and have our being.” Until we return to God in prayer, surrender, and love of the global family, we may live and move but, ultimately, have no being! Being is best expressed in loving community with God and others. Each of us has the ability to just be there for someone in their time of pain. A loving presence to those hurt by the loss of career, health, relationships, or possessions restores being, self worth, and purpose.