After a period of separation or deployment, Soldiers and families will experience a reunion. This period can be an exciting time for some families, but a stressful time for others. Various coping tips are available to help to make this homecoming and reunion an enjoyable one.

We’ve all began our military career with a time of homecoming and reunion – we began as early as Basic Training, or reporting to your first duty station. You experienced a time of separation.

No matter how long the period of separation, one common factor is simply this: things have changed and are now different. Parental roles have changed. There may be changes in the family’s financial status. You or your spouse may have developed new friends, habits, or daily schedules. Most changes are relatively insignificant in themselves, but it is crucially important to recognize they have taken place. Once we recognize that roles and relationships have changed, we can begin to readjust to our new lives together.

Parental roles have changed. While the Soldier was gone, your spouse was in charge. Your spouse made the decisions about bed-time, discipline, supervising homework, etc. In some cases, particularly when children are very young or born during deployment, the child may not initially recognize or remember you. Your natural reaction, upon return, may be to immediately re-assume your role as a parent. While this is natural, moving too quickly can lead to frustration or tension. During the initial reunion period, your focus should merely be to become reacquainted. Get to know your children, their activities and friends, and only slowly, reestablish your parental role.

Your financial status has especially changed. If you’ve been deployed to a combat zone, you enjoyed the benefits of hazardous duty pay, family separation allowance, and your beloved taxexemption. You may have made, or anticipated purchases, based on these benefits. Yet when you return, all good things come to an end. Budgeting, based now on a lower number, becomes important. You want to maintain your standard of living, but will have to do so on less. To accomplish this, you and your spouse will need to set some new goals, and to make your decisions together.

Roles and relationships have changed. One well-known aspect of deployment is that Soldiers bond. Soldiers, who have endured hardship, come together, based on their common experience. When this same Soldier returns home, their spouse may not be able to understand all that has happened. Conversely, the spouse also, during this absence, has developed close relationships with the people who have provided support: friends, colleagues and family members. Children, also, have developed new friends and new activities, which may be different than before. Communication then becomes essential, but it needs to be intentional. Carve out time for your loved ones. Have a regular date night with your spouse. Plan an activity or outing with each child, with only yourself and that child. Make the effort to talk about both the interesting and unpleasant things you’ve experienced. Understand that communication takes time and effort, so move slowly. Intimacy, both physical and emotional, take time, but it is well worth the effort.

Planning for redeployment does take time and effort. It is important that you understand that no matter how much time you put into planning for return, there is no exact or standard way to predict how things will actually turn out. You should plan and prepare, but some of your expectations just may be fulfilled in ways you did not anticipate. But, plan ahead, celebrate your joys, and prepare yourself for an exciting time!