Photos by Bonnie Heater Alex Mabe, a professor, director of Psychology Residency and Postdoctoral training, and chief of Psychology in the Department of Psychiatry and Health Behavior at the Medical College of Georgia, talks to Fort Gordon spouses of deployed Soldiers about “War and Children Coping with Parental Deployment,” during the “I Will Survive” holiday workshop held Dec. 10 at Alexander Hall. Being home for the holidays is important for most American families. Unfortunately, not every family will be united this holiday. Conflict in both Iraq and Afghanistan requires some service members to be away from home trying to restore and keep the peace.

Fort Gordon’s Directorate of Family, Morale, Welfare and Recreation co-hosted with Army Community Service the “I Will Survive” holiday workshop Dec. 10 at Alexander Hall to assist family members of deployed service members cope with separation. The program was designed to help family members identify emotional triggers that can lead to depression, learn coping strategies and provide information on available resources in the local community and within the military.

Augusta School of Massage students give spouses of deployed service members a chair massage . The workshop also provided an avenue to discuss separation anxiety in our youth during deployment, common problems and ways to help children deal with deployment.

Door prizes were given away throughout the event to everyone who registered at the workshop. Free childcare was also available. Spouses of deployed service members also received free facial makeovers by local Mary Kay representatives and professional chair massages by students training at the Augusta School of Massage.

Two guest speakers provided some helpful advice for families separated by deployment. The first guest speaker, Maj. Monique McCoy, a psychologist in the Department of Behavioral Health at the Dwight D. Eisenhower Army Medical, opened up her presentation with these words: “A strong Army depends on strong families.”

The mother of two explained some of the issues she faced when she deployed and later when her former husband deployed. “I am a military mom,” she said. “I deployed for 11 months.

“When my oldest [child] who is now 6 [years old] was nine weeks old, his dad deployed leaving me as a single mom in a new place,” she explained. “I understand that role as well.”

She talked about the emotional cycle of deployment. “There are four stages of deployment,” she explained. “They are predeployment, deployment, sustainment, and re-deployment.”

Family members can experience feelings of anticipation at the on-set of deployment, according to McCoy. “Some of you may try to push the upcoming event out of your mind,” said McCoy. “Other family members may become detached and withdrawn prior to a deployment.

“As military spouses it’s important you realize family routine will change during deployments,” she continued. “Roles will also change. You will now become the family’s financial adviser, chauffeur, repairman, and gardener, in addition to other roles you filled before the deployment. Your responsibilities will also increase.”

Parenting will change. “You will need to know how to conduct a one-parenting household,” she said.

It’s critical that you recognize how to take care of yourself, advised McCoy. “Everyone reacts to stress differently. It’s important to recognize what your triggers are. Some common physical reactions to stressors are nausea, heartburn, back aches and headaches. These signs show up when your super woman exterior is starting to crack a little bit, she warned. To keep you from completely unraveling get some help.

“The other things we notice are the behavior reactions to stressors,” she said. “You will become aware you are a little more irritated, a little less patience, and maybe a little more frustrated. Suddenly you become a yelling mom. This is the time to slow down and take care of you.”

McCoy briefly talked about emotional reactions to stresses. Some of you may become negative. Others will self blame or participate in wishful thinking.

The psychologist mentioned four ways to deal with stressors. You can manage the stressor, your environment, your own behavior, and your time.

There are some positive ways of dealing with stress. You can develop positive problem solving techniques, McCoy advised.

For those individuals who like to keep busy, help others and who have a hard time saying no then time management is particularly important to you, said McCoy. “Learn to say no. You can’t take care of everyone or be on every committee.”

One can’t change the structure of the Army, she added. “If you look at a situation there will be some aspect of it that you can control.

Look carefully how you are dealing with stressors. Are you dwelling on the past? Are you wishing it away? Are you concentrating on the future and not the present?

“It’s ok to slow down,” she said. “Just leave the dishes in the sink and read to your child, if that’s what you really want to do.

“Practice anger control, she advised.

McCoy also suggested spouses begin each day by making a list of no more than five things they want to accomplish that day. “It’s one of the habits of high effectively people,” she added.

“Give you permission to engage and enjoy the day,” McCoy said. “Find out what will help you relax. It could be a warm bubble bath or reading a good book.

She also advised the spouses to use their social support systems. One of those systems available through Army Community Service is the Waiting Spouse Support Group Yellow Ribbon Room Activity. It’s available to all military family members whose spouses are on extended temporary duty, unaccompanied tour or deployed. Families receive information targeted to their special needs, opportunity to socialize with other family members whose spouses are away, offer age appropriate materials for youth and an opportunity to engage in fun activities.

The group meets from 6:30 to 8:30 p.m. every third Thursday at the post’s Family Outreach Building, Building 33512, behind the Woodworth Consolidated Library.

Another good free social support system is available at

www.MilitaryOneSource.com or by calling 1-800-342-9647. Help is available 24/7 by phone or online.

After a few door prizes were given away the next guest speaker addressed the group. Alex Mabe, professor of the Department of Psychiatry and Health Behavior at the Medical College of Georgia, talked about “War and Children Coping with Parental Deployment.”

“No two deployment experiences are alike,” said Mabe, who often counsels military children experiencing problems while their parents are deployed.

“Children of deployed families may experience anxiety and depression, sleep disturbance and exhibit behavioral problems during this time,” he added. “Their school performance may decline. Some will become more irritable, angry, lash out and others may demand more of your attention.”

According to Mabe, it’s important to encourage open and honest communication with your children. “Talk about the upcoming deployment,” said the licensed psychologist. “Explain to them the importance of the mission. Encourage your children to help the family get ready for “the mission.”

“Get your children more involved in activities they enjoy,” said Mabe. “Moms can also benefit from attending parenting classes at this time.

With most deployment, Mabe pointed out, military families have no control over the nature, timing or length of it. Neither do they have any control if the parent is injured or killed when deployed.

“It’s best to focus on what is controllable,” he said. Work at developing effective problem solving techniques and keep positive and hopeful.

“Children can and should be taught to have a sense of ownership about what they attend to, how they emotionally react and how they behave,” advised Mabe, a member of the American Psychological Association.

The professor cited several ways to foster strength and resilience in children. “If your child likes to draw show her/him how to upload her/his pictures on the computer to be sent to the deployed parent,” he advised. “Invite other children over to play with your son or daughter.”

For more information about deployment assistance for families call Shawn Williams, the post’s Army Community Service Mobilization and Deployment program manager at (706) 791-1958.