Dear Chaplain:

I am very happily married, and I have a beautiful baby girl. My husband is loving and supportive of my career, and I treasure my Family very much. About 6 months ago I started having a great friendship with a coworker whom I worked with in our department. We could talk about anything for hours and were allies at work in dealing with the ever-changing politics of our company.

I certainly did not expect it to happen, but we fell in love. We told each other we loved one another deeply. I feel extremely guilty toward my Family and his Family. He is also married and has a child. We both knew our relationship could not develop further, and I hated lying to my husband whenever I stepped out of the house to take his calls.

Recently I quit my job partly because I knew for this to end we had to stop seeing each other every day. However, we continued seeing each other over lunch and coffee, and we continued calling each other whenever we were alone. A month ago we had a fight, and we have not contacted each other since.

I know it is best for us to end this silently, yet I miss him very much. I think I still love him and want to know why he hasn't called. Should I contact him to talk and get closure to the relationship? Without this closure I am still hoping we can go back to how things were, even when I know it's not right.

Signed, "Needing Closure"

Dear "Closure:"

Closure has nothing to do with this relationship— closure is something that you do as an individual, so you have all the necessary elements to say, "I am done with this relationship" already. I hope you can be honest with yourself and know that you are simply looking for a way to keep the affair going. It is exciting and you are being fed by this other individual in the things that are missing from your marriage.

You say you are "very happily married" but somehow I don't believe that either. If you were, why are you seeking emotional support of another man, who, by the way, is married as well. Something real is missing from your marriage and if you don't address it soon, you will be extremely prone for a full blown affair that has the potential of destroying your marriage and your Family.

My advice is simple…be honest with yourself and state what you are missing/ needing in your marriage. It seems that your husband is a good man who does care and love you, but there are some definite needs that are missing.

I am sure you can figure out what they are on your own, but you may need to see a counselor if you are having trouble targeting them. I would say you don't need to do couples counseling at this time, but somewhere down the line you will have to approach your husband to get these needs met.

May God bless you and walk with you as you do what you need to do.

If you have a relationship or advice question for the chaplain, e-mail "Dear Chaplain" at: Brian.L.Mead @conus.army.mil or at: Brian.L.Mead@us.army.mil. Put "Dear Chaplain" in the subject line. Note: Your name will never appear in the column to protect your confidentiality and privacy.